Road of fear

Emigration is a path into the unknown, on which I feel insecure, vulnerable, and anxious. A complex of feelings that accompany me almost every day. How am I coping? I recognize with my feet the place where I live. I go for walks, almost always along the same route, this brings a certain illusion of stability. You have learned one route with your feet and it is unchanged. When the feeling of confidence in a familiar path increases, I sometimes pluck up the courage to take a new unfamiliar route, bolstering my confidence with Google maps. The new path is unfamiliar, I have never been here. Ticks on an abandoned chair along the road, dogs running out of the field, bees scurrying around the hives standing by the road, the loud sudden barking of a dog behind the fence, goats that jerked sharply at my approach, an unfamiliar man standing at the edge of the field asking me a question about what I Here I’m making a path that runs into a huge knee-deep puddle, and the path beyond is not visible. Google maps will assure you that the path goes further, but it is completely invisible. I decide to go back and not check.

I analyze this path, it was filled with pinpoint bursts of fear of varying intensity. I felt vulnerable and not at peace. Vulnerability is a parameter characterizing the possibility of causing damage to the described system of any nature by certain external means and factors. What could have harmed me along the way? Did any of the things that scared me actually hurt or hurt me? Or was I scared by the very fact of vulnerability on the new route? Am I afraid of being vulnerable? Does vulnerability equal fear? Fear times fear equals horror. Is fear a sense of self-preservation or an obstacle to moving forward into the unknown?

I analyze my experience. And I want to move forward along a new path, in a new country, in a new life.